A Letter to the Dead Sea Captain Haunting My House

Here it is -- my first article for The Belladonna Comedy! This satirical letter is from a modern-day Mrs. Muir to the ghost in her house. Spoiler alert: she is NOT happy with her unexpected roommate.

"Stop hanging your portrait on my bedroom wall. I’ve been putting it in the basement for a reason. Even if I wanted to look at you more frequently, it doesn’t fit the minimalist aesthetic I’m going for. If this confuses you, feel free to refer to my home decor Pinterest board."
I loved The Ghost and Mrs. Muir growing up, and I've always had a huge obsession with nautical ghosts. It was really fun to imagine what a passive-aggressive roommate letter would look like when the person being haunted by an antiquated sea captain is a no-nonsense modern woman.
"I understand old sailors loved shouting things like 'land ho' or 'fish ho' or whatever, but as I keep telling you, 'ho' means something different now. Please find some other way to announce the arrival of my friends."
I love this site and its focus on smart humor from women and non-binary/genderqueer writers. There's been a The Toast-shaped hole in my heart for a while now, and The Belladonna Comedy goes a long way towards fixing that.

Check it out!


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